The Little Book
An Introduction to The Work of Byron Katie
“No one can give you freedom but you. This little book will show you how.”
―Byron Katie
This booklet presents the essence of The Work of Byron Katie. Each year,
thousands of these booklets are sent by request, at no charge, to non-profit
organizations around the world, helping people discover the life-changing
power of inquiry.
If you would like to explore this process further, we suggest you ask for Loving
What Is wherever books are sold. The book version will take you deeper into The
Work, and includes many examples of Katie facilitating people on issues such as
fear, health, relationships, money, the body, and more. Loving What Is is also
available as an audiobook, which offers you the invaluable experience of hearing
Katie do The Work in live workshop recordings. The book and audiobook are
available on our website as well, thework.com, or they can be ordered by calling
800.98.KATIE.
© 2012 Byron Katie International, Inc. All rights reserved.
© 2012 Byron Katie International, Inc. All rights reserved. www.thework.com Rev. 28 Apr 2012
Introduction
The Work of Byron Katie is a way to identify and question the thoughts that
cause all of the suffering in the world. It is a way to find peace with yourself and
with the world. Anyone with an open mind can do this Work.
Byron Kathleen Reid became severely depressed while in her thirties. Over a
ten-year period her depression deepened, and for the last two years Katie (as she
is called) was seldom able to leave her bedroom. Then one morning, from the
depths of despair, she experienced a life-changing realization.
Katie saw that when she believed her thoughts she suffered, and that when
she didn’t believe her thoughts she didn’t suffer. What had been causing her
depression was not the world around her, but what she believed about the world
around her. In a flash of insight, she saw that our attempt to find happiness was
backward—instead of hopelessly trying to change the world to match our
thoughts about how it “should” be, we can question these thoughts and, by
meeting reality as it is, experience unimaginable freedom and joy. As a result, a
bedridden, suicidal woman became filled with love for everything life brings.
Katie developed a simple yet powerful method of inquiry, called The Work,
that showed people how to free themselves. Her insight into the mind is
consistent with leading-edge research in cognitive neuroscience, and The Work
has been compared to the Socratic dialogue, Buddhist teachings, and twelve-step
programs. But Katie developed her method without any knowledge of religion
or psychology.
The Work is based purely on one woman’s direct experience of
how suffering is created and ended. It is astonishingly simple, accessible to
people of all ages and backgrounds, and requires nothing more than a pen and
paper and a willingness to open the mind. Katie saw right away that giving
people her insights or answers was of little value—instead, she offers a process
that can give people their own answers. The first people exposed to her Work
reported that the experience was transformational, and she soon began receiving
invitations to teach the process publicly.
Since 1986 Katie has introduced The Work to millions of people around the
world. In addition to public events, she has done The Work in corporations,
universities, schools, churches, prisons, and hospitals. Katie’s joy and humor
immediately put people at ease, and the deep insights and breakthroughs that
participants quickly experience make the events captivating.
Since 1998 Katie has
directed the School for The Work, a nine-day curriculum offered several times a
year. The School is an approved provider of continuing education units in the
U.S., and many psychologists, counselors, and therapists report that The Work is
becoming the most important part of their practice. Katie also presents a five-day
No-Body Intensive, an annual New Year’s Mental Cleanse—a four-day program
of continuous inquiry that takes place in Los Angeles at the end of December.
She sometimes offers weekend workshops as well. Audio and video recordings
of Katie facilitating The Work on a wide range of topics (sex, money, the body,
parenting, etc.) are available at her events and on her website, thework.com.
Katie has written three bestselling books: Loving What Is, which was written
with her husband, the distinguished writer Stephen Mitchell, and has been
translated into twenty-nine languages; I Need Your Love—Is That True?, written
with Michael Katz; and A Thousand Names for Joy, written with Stephen Mitchell.
Her other books are Question Your Thinking, Change the World, edited by Stephen
Mitchell; Who Would You Be Without Your Story?, edited by Carol Williams; Peace
in the Present Moment (selections from Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle, with
photographs by Michele Penn, and a foreword by Stephen Mitchell); and, for
children, Tiger-Tiger, Is It True?, illustrated by Hans Wilhelm.
Welcome to The Work.
What Is Is
The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.
When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want. If you want reality to
be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try
and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, “Meow.” Wanting
reality to be different than it is is hopeless.
And yet, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that you believe thoughts like this
dozens of times a day. “People should be kinder.” “Children should be wellbehaved.” “My husband (or wife) should agree with me.” “I should be thinner
(or prettier or more successful).” These thoughts are ways of wanting reality to
be different than it is. If you think that this sounds depressing, you’re right. All
the stress that we feel is caused by arguing with what is.
People new to The Work often say to me, “But it would be disempowering to
stop my argument with reality. If I simply accept reality, I’ll become passive. I
may even lose the desire to act.” I answer them with a question: “Can you really
know that that’s true?” Which is more empowering?—“I wish I hadn’t lost my
job” or “I lost my job; what intelligent solutions can I find right now?”
The Work reveals that what you think shouldn’t have happened should have
happened. It should have happened because it did happen, and no thinking in
the world can change it. This doesn’t mean that you condone it or approve of it.
It just means that you can see things without resistance and without the
confusion of your inner struggle. No one wants their children to get sick, no one
wants to be in a car accident; but when these things happen, how can it be
helpful to mentally argue with them? We know better than to do that, yet we do
it, because we don’t know how to stop.
I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts
when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because
when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don’t feel
natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple,
fluid, kind, and fearless.
Staying in Your Own Business
I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God’s.
(For me, the word God means “reality.” Reality is God, because it rules. Anything
that’s out of my control, your control, and everyone else’s control—I call that
God’s business.)
Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business.
When I think, “You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on
time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. When I’m
worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s
business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is
separation. I noticed this early in 1986. When I mentally went into my mother’s
business, for example, with a thought like “My mother should understand me,” I
immediately experienced a feeling of loneliness. And I realized that every time in
my life that I had felt hurt or lonely, I had been in someone else’s business.
If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here
living mine? We’re both over there. Being mentally in your business keeps me
from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my
life doesn’t work.
To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business.
Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety,
and fear. Do I know what’s right for me? That is my only business. Let me work
with that before I try to solve your problems for you.
If you understand the three kinds of business enough to stay in your own
business, it could free your life in a way that you can’t even imagine. The next
time you’re feeling stress or discomfort, ask yourself whose business you’re in
mentally, and you may burst out laughing. That question can bring you back to
yourself. And you may come to see that you’ve never really been present, that
you’ve been mentally living in other people’s business all your life. Just to notice
that you’re in someone else’s business can bring you back to your own
wonderful self.
And if you practice it for a while, you may come to see that you don’t have
any business either and that your life runs perfectly well on its own.
Meeting Your Thoughts with Understanding
A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It is not our thoughts, but the
attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means
believing that it’s true, without inquiring.
A belief is a thought that we’ve been
attaching to, often for years.
Most people think that they are what their thoughts tell them they are. One
day I noticed that I wasn’t breathing—I was being breathed. Then I also noticed,
to my amazement, that I wasn’t thinking—that I was actually being thought and
that thinking isn’t personal. Do you wake up in the morning and say to yourself,
“I think I won’t think today”? It’s too late: You’re already thinking! Thoughts just
appear. They come out of nothing and go back to nothing, like clouds moving
across the empty sky. They come to pass, not to stay. There is no harm in them
until we attach to them as if they were true.
No one has ever been able to control his thinking, although people may tell
the story of how they have. I don’t let go of my thoughts—I meet them with
understanding. Then they let go of me.
Thoughts are like the breeze or the leaves on the trees or the raindrops falling.
They appear like that, and through inquiry we can make friends with them.
Would you argue with a raindrop? Raindrops aren’t personal, and neither are
thoughts. Once a painful concept is met with understanding, the next time it
appears you may find it interesting. What used to be the nightmare is now just
interesting. The next time it appears, you may find it funny. The next time, you
may not even notice it. This is the power of loving what is.
Putting the Mind on Paper
The first step in The Work is to identify the thoughts and judgments that are
causing your stressful emotions and to write them down. (Go to
http://www.thework.com/downloads/worksheets/JudgeYourNeighbor_Work
sheet.pdf, where you’ll find a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet to download and
print.)
For thousands of years, we have been taught not to judge—but let’s face it,
we still do it all the time. The truth is that we all have judgments running in our
heads. Through The Work we finally have permission to let those judgments
speak out, or even scream out, on paper. We may find that even the most
unpleasant thoughts can be met with unconditional love.
I encourage you to write about someone whom you haven’t yet totally
forgiven, someone you still resent. This is the most powerful place to begin. Even
if you’ve forgiven that person 99 percent, you aren’t free until your forgiveness is
complete. The 1 percent you haven’t forgiven them is the very place where
you’re stuck in all your other relationships (including your relationship with
yourself).
If you begin by pointing the finger of blame outward, then the focus isn’t on
you. You can just let loose and be uncensored. We’re often quite sure about what
other people need to do, how they should live, whom they should be with. We
have 20/20 vision about others, but not about ourselves.
When you do The Work, you see who you are by seeing who you think other
people are. Eventually you come to see that everything outside you is a reflection
of your own thinking. You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the
world is the projected image of your thoughts.
Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so
that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the
problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector—
mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a
projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this
person and that person, whomever the flaw appears to be on next. But it’s futile
to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can
clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in
paradise.
How to Fill in the Worksheet
I invite you to contemplate for a moment a situation where you were angry, hurt,
sad, or disappointed in someone. Please be as judgmental, childish, and petty as
you were in that situation. Don’t try to be wiser or more spiritual or kinder than
you were. This is a time to tantrum, to look within yourself, to look back at that
specific situation and be totally honest and uncensored about why you were hurt
and how you felt when the situation was occurring. Allow your feelings to
express themselves as they arise, without any fear of consequences or any threat
of punishment.
On the next page, you’ll find an example of a completed Judge-YourNeighbor Worksheet. I have written about my second husband, Paul, in this
example (included here with his permission); these are the kinds of thoughts that
I used to believe about him before inquiry. As you read, you’re invited to replace
Paul’s name with the appropriate name in your life.
Think of a recurring stressful situation, a situation that is reliably stressful even
though it may have happened only once and recurs only in your mind. Before
answering each of the questions below, allow yourself to mentally revisit the
time and place of the stressful occurrence.
1. In this situation, time, and location, who angers, confuses, or disappoints you,
and why?
I am angry with Paul because he
doesn’t listen to me about his health.
2. In this situation, how do you want them to change? What do you want them to
do?
I want Paul to see that he is wrong. I want him to stop smoking. I want him to
stop lying about what he is doing to his health. I want him to see that he is
killing himself.
3. In this situation, what advice would you offer to them?
Paul should take a deep breath. He should calm down. He should see that his
actions scare me and the children. He should know that being right is not worth
another heart attack.
4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need them to think,
say, feel, or do?
I need Paul to hear me. I need him to take responsibility for his health. I need
him to respect my opinions.
5. What do you think of them in this situation? Make a list.
Paul is unfair, arrogant, loud, dishonest, way out of line, and unconscious.
6. What is it in or about this situation that you don’t ever want to experience
again? I don’t ever want Paul to lie to me again. I don’t ever want to see him smoking
and ruining his health again.
Tips
Statement 1: Be sure to identify what most upsets you in that situation about the
person you are writing about. As you fill in statements 2 through 6, imagine
yourself in the situation that you have described in statement 1.
Statement 2: List what you wanted them to do in this situation, no matter how
ridiculous or childish your wants were.
Statement 3: Be sure that your advice is specific, practical, and detailed. Clearly
articulate, step by step, how they should carry out your advice; tell them exactly
what you think they should do. If they followed your advice, would it really
solve your problem in statement 1? Be sure that your advice is relevant and
doable for this person (as you have described him or her in statement 5).
Statement 4: Did you stay in the situation described in statement 1? If your needs
were met, would that take you all the way to “happy” or would it just stop the
pain? Be sure that the needs you have expressed are specific, practical, and
detailed.
Inquiry: The Four Questions and Turnaround
1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If “no,” move to question 3.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Turn the thought around. Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of
how each turnaround is true for you in this situation.
Now, using the four questions, let’s investigate statement 1 on the Worksheet:
Paul doesn’t listen to me about his health. As you read along, think of someone you
haven’t totally forgiven yet, someone who just wouldn’t listen to you.
1. Is it true? As you consider the situation again, ask yourself, “Is it true that Paul
doesn’t listen to me about his health?” Be still. If you really want to know the
truth, the honest yes or no from within will rise to meet the question as you recall
that same situation in your mind’s eye. Let the mind ask the question, and wait
for the answer that surfaces. (The answer to questions one and two is just one
syllable long; it is either “yes” or “no.” And notice if you experience any defense
as you answer. If your answer includes “because . . .” or “but . . .,” this is not the
one-syllable answer you are looking for, and you are no longer doing The Work.
You are looking for freedom outside you. I am inviting you into a new
paradigm—alive, right here, right now.)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Consider these questions: “In that
situation, can I absolutely know that it’s true that Paul isn’t listening to me about
his health? Can I ever really know when someone is listening or not? Am I
sometimes listening even when I appear not to be?”
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? How do
you react emotionally when you believe that Paul doesn’t listen to you about his
health? How do you treat him? Be still, notice. For example: “I feel frustrated and
sick to my stomach, I give him ‘the look.’ I interrupt him. I punish him, I ignore
him, I lose my temper. I begin talking faster and louder, I lie to him, I threaten
him.” Continue your list as you witness the situation and allow the images of
past and future in your mind’s eye to show you how you react when you believe
that thought.
Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life? What physical
sensations and emotions arise when you believe that thought? Allow yourself to
experience them now. What obsessions or addictions begin to manifest
themselves when you are witnessing the images and believing the thought? (Do
you act out on any of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food, sex,
television, etc.?) Also, witness how you treat yourself in this situation and how
that feels. “I shut down. I isolate myself, I feel sick, I feel angry, I eat
compulsively, and for days I watch television without really watching. I feel
depressed, separate, resentful, and lonely.” Notice all the effects of believing the
thought Paul doesn’t listen to me about his health.
4. Who would you be without the thought? Now consider who you would be, in
that same situation, without the thought Paul doesn’t listen to me about his health.
Who (or how) would you be in the same situation if you didn’t believe that
thought? Close your eyes and imagine Paul apparently not listening to you.
Imagine yourself without the thought that Paul doesn’t listen to you (or that he
even should listen). Take your time. Notice whatever is revealed to you. What do
you see now? Notice the difference.
Turn it around. The original statement, Paul doesn’t listen to me about his health,
when turned around, becomes “I don’t listen to myself about my health.” Is that
turnaround as true or truer? Now identify examples of how you don’t listen to
yourself about your health in that very same situation with Paul. Find at least
three specific, genuine examples of how this turnaround is true. For me, one
example is that in that situation I was out of control emotionally, and my heart
was pumping.
Another turnaround is “I don’t listen to Paul about his health.” Find at least
three examples of how you were not listening to Paul about his health, from his
perspective, in that situation. Are you listening to Paul when you’re thinking
about him not listening to you?
A third turnaround is “Paul does listen to me about his health.” For example,
he put out the cigarette he was smoking. He might light another one in five
minutes, but in that situation, even as he was telling me that he didn’t care about
his health, he was apparently listening to me. For this and for each turnaround
you discover, always find at least three specific, genuine examples of how the
turnaround is true for you in this situation.
After sitting with the turnarounds, you would continue a typical inquiry with the
next statement written on the Worksheet—in this case, I want Paul to see that he is
wrong—and then with every other statement on the Worksheet.
Your Turn: The Worksheet
Now you know enough to try The Work. First relax, get very still, close your
eyes, and wait for a stressful situation to come to mind. Fill in the Judge-YourNeighbor Worksheet as you identify the thoughts and feelings that you were
experiencing in the situation you have chosen to write about. Use short, simple
sentences. Remember to point the finger of blame or judgment outward. You may
write from your point of view as a five-year-old or of any time or situation in
your life. Please do not write about yourself yet.
1. In this situation, time, and location, who angers, confuses, or disappoints
you, and why?
I don’t like (I am angry at, or saddened, frightened, confused, etc., by) (name)
because _____________________________________________________________.
2. In this situation, how do you want them to change? What do you want them
to do?
I want (name) to _____________________________________________________ .
3. In this situation, what advice would you offer to them?
(Name) should (shouldn’t) ____________________________________________ .
4. In order for you to be happy in this situation, what do you need them to
think, say, feel, or do?
I need (name) to______________________________________________________.
5. What do you think of them in this situation? Make a list.
(Name) is ___________________________________________________________ .
6. What is it in or about this situation that you don’t ever want to experience
again?
I don’t ever want _____________________________________________________ .
Your Turn: The Inquiry
One by one, put each statement on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet up
against the four questions. Then turn around the statement you’re working on
and find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is as
true as or truer than the original statement. (Refer back to the example in the
section entitled ”How to Fill in the Worksheet.” You can also find help at
thework.com, or with The Work App, which includes a tutorial with Byron
Katie.) Throughout this process, explore being open to possibilities beyond what
you think you know. There’s nothing more exciting than discovering the don’tknow mind.
This Work is meditation. It’s like diving into yourself. Contemplate the
questions, drop down into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer
will find your question. The mind will join the heart, no matter how closed down
or hopeless you think you are: the gentler polarity of mind (which I call the
heart) will meet the polarity that is confused because it hasn’t yet been
enlightened to itself. When the mind asks sincerely, the heart will respond. You
may begin to experience revelations about yourself and your world, revelations
that will transform your whole life, forever.
Look at statement 1 on your Worksheet. Now ask yourself the following
questions:
1. Is it true?
Reality, for me, is what is true. The truth is whatever is in front of you, whatever
is really happening. Whether you like it or not, it’s raining now. “It shouldn’t be
raining” is just a thought. In reality, there is no such thing as a “should” or a
“shouldn’t.” These are only thoughts that we impose onto reality. Without the
“should” and “shouldn’t,” we can see reality as it is, and this leaves us free to act
efficiently, clearly, and sanely.
When asking the first question, take your time. The answer is either “yes” or
“no.” (If “no,” move to question 3.) The Work is about discovering what is true
from the deepest part of yourself. You are listening for your answer now, not
other people’s, and not anything you have been taught. This can be very
unsettling at first, because you’re entering the unknown. As you continue to dive
more deeply, allow the experience to have you completely.
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
If your answer to question 1 is yes, ask yourself, “Can I absolutely know that it’s
true?” In many cases, the statement appears to be true. Of course it does. Your
concepts are based on a lifetime of uninvestigated beliefs.
After I woke up to reality in 1986, I noticed many times how people, in
conversations, the media, and books, made statements such as “There isn’t
enough understanding in the world,” “There’s too much violence,” “We should
love one another more.” These were stories I used to believe, too. They seemed
sensitive, kind, and caring, but as I heard them, I noticed that believing them
caused stress and that they didn’t feel peaceful inside me.
For instance, when I heard someone say, “People should be more loving,” the
question would arise in me “Can I absolutely know that that’s true? Can I really
know for myself, within myself, that people should be more loving? Even if the
whole world tells me so, is it really true?” And to my amazement, when I
listened within myself, I saw that the world is what it is in this moment and that
in this moment people couldn’t possibly be more loving than they were. Where
reality is concerned, there is no “what should be.” There is only “what is,” just
the way it is, right now. The truth is prior to every story. And every story, prior
to investigation, prevents us from seeing what’s true.
Now I could finally inquire of every potentially uncomfortable story, “Can I
absolutely know that it’s true?” And the answer, like the question, was an
experience: No. I would stand rooted in that answer—solitary, peaceful, free.
How could no be the right answer? Everyone I knew, and all the books, said
that the answer should be yes. But I came to see that the truth is itself and will
not be dictated to by anyone. In the presence of that inner no, I came to see that
the world is always as it should be, whether I opposed it or not. And I came to
embrace reality with all my heart. I love the world, without any conditions.
If your answer is still yes, good. If you think that you can absolutely know
that that’s true, that’s as it should be, and it’s fine to move on to question 3.
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
With this question, we begin to notice internal cause and effect. You can see that
when you believe the thought, there is an uneasy feeling, a disturbance that can
range from mild discomfort to fear or panic.
After the four questions found me, I would notice thoughts like “People
should be more loving,” and I would see that thoughts like these caused a feeling
of uneasiness in me. I noticed that prior to the thought, there was peace. My
mind was quiet, alert, and serene. This is who I am without my story. Then, in
the stillness of awareness, I began to notice the feelings that came from believing
or attaching to the thought. And in the stillness I could see that if I were to
believe the thought, the result would be a feeling of unease and sadness. When I
asked, “How do I react when I believe the thought that people should be more
loving?” I saw that not only did I have an uncomfortable feeling (this was
obvious), but I also reacted with mental images to prove that the thought was
true. I flew off into an imagined world that didn’t exist. I reacted by living in a
stressed-out body and mind, seeing everything through fearful eyes, a
sleepwalker, someone in a seemingly endless nightmare. The remedy was simply
to inquire.
I love question 3. Once you answer it for yourself, once you see the cause and
effect of a thought, all suffering begins to unravel.
4. Who would you be without the thought?
This is a very powerful question. Who or what would you be without the
thought? How would you be without the thought? Picture yourself standing in
the presence of the person you have written about when they’re doing what you
think they shouldn’t be doing. Now, just for a minute or two, close your eyes and
imagine who you would be if you didn’t even have the ability to think this
thought. How would your life be different in the same situation without the
thought? Keep your eyes closed and watch them without your story. What do
you see? How do you feel about them without the story? Which do you prefer—
with or without your story? Which feels kinder? Which feels more peaceful?
For many people, life without their story is literally unimaginable. They have
no reference for it. So “I don’t know” is a common answer to this question. Other
people answer by saying, “I’d be free,” “I’d be peaceful,” “I’d be a more loving
person.” You could also say, “I’d be clear enough to understand the situation and
act in an appropriate, intelligent way.” Without our stories, we are not only able
to act clearly and fearlessly; we are also a friend, a listener. We are people living
happy lives. We are appreciation and gratitude that have become as natural as
breath itself. Happiness is the natural state for someone who knows that there’s
nothing to know and that we already have everything we need, right here now.
Turn it around.
To do the turnarounds, find opposites of the original statement on your
Worksheet. Often a statement can be turned around to the self, to the other, and
to the opposite. First, write it as if it were written about you. Where you have
written someone’s name, put yourself. Instead of “he” or “she,” put “I.” For
example, “Paul doesn’t listen to me about his health” turns around to “I don’t
listen to myself about my health.” Find at least three specific, genuine examples
of how this turnaround is as true as or truer than your original statement. Then
continue with “I don’t listen to Paul about his health.” Another type is a 180degree turnaround to the extreme opposite: “Paul does listen to me about his
health.” Don’t forget, for each turnaround find at least three specific, genuine
examples of how the turnaround is true for you in this situation. This is not
about blaming yourself or feeling guilty. It’s about discovering alternatives that
can bring you peace.
Not every statement has as many as three turnarounds, and some have more
than three. Some turnarounds may not make any sense to you. Don’t force these.
For each turnaround, go back and start with the original statement. For
example, “He shouldn’t waste his time” may be turned around to “I shouldn’t
waste my time,” “I shouldn’t waste his time,” and “He should waste his time.”
Note that “I should waste my time” and “I should waste his time” are not valid
turnarounds; they are turnarounds of turnarounds, rather than turnarounds of
the original statement.
The turnaround is a very powerful part of The Work. As long as you think
that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone
or anything else is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It
means that you are forever in the role of the victim, that you’re suffering in
paradise. So bring the truth home to yourself and begin to set yourself free. It’s
no longer necessary to wait for people or situations to change in order to
experience peace and harmony. The Work is the direct way to orchestrate your
own happiness.
The Turnaround for Statement 6
The turnaround for statement 6 on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet is a little
different from the other turnarounds. “I don’t ever want to . . .” turns around to
“I am willing to . . .” and “I look forward to . . . .” For example, “I don’t ever
want Paul to lie to me again” turns around to “I am willing to have Paul lie to me
again” and “I look forward to having Paul lie to me again.”
This turnaround is about embracing all of life, just as it is. Saying—and
meaning—“I am willing to . . .” creates open-mindedness, creativity, and
flexibility. Any resistance you may have to the world is softened, and that allows
you to open up to the situation in your life rather than hopelessly applying
willpower to eradicate it or keep it away. Saying and meaning “I look forward
to . . .” actively opens you to life as it unfolds. Some of us have learned to accept
what is, and I am here to invite you to go further, to actually love what is. This is
our natural state. Total freedom without fear is our birthright.
It’s good to acknowledge that the same feelings or situation may happen
again, if only in your thoughts. When you realize that suffering and discomfort
are the call to inquiry and to the freedom that follows, you may actually begin to
look forward to uncomfortable feelings. You may even experience them as
friends coming to show you what you have not yet investigated thoroughly
enough.
Questions and Answers
Q I have a hard time writing about others. Can I write about myself?
A If you want to know yourself, I suggest you write about someone else. Point
The Work outward in the beginning, and you may come to see that everything
outside you is a direct reflection of your thinking. It is all about you. Most of us
have been pointing our criticism and judgments at ourselves for years, and it
hasn’t solved anything yet. Judging someone else, questioning these judgments,
and turning them around is the fast path to understanding and self-realization.
Q How can you say that reality is good? What about war, rape, poverty, violence, and
child abuse? Are you condoning them?
A How could I condone them? I’m not crazy. I simply notice that if I believe they
shouldn’t exist when they do exist, I suffer. Can I just end the war in me? Can I
stop raping myself and others with my abusive thoughts and actions? If not, I’m
continuing in myself the very thing I want to end in the world. I start with
ending my own suffering, my own war. This is a life’s work.
Q So what you’re saying is that I should just accept reality as it is and not argue with it.
Is that right?
A It’s not up to me to say what anyone should or shouldn’t do. I simply ask,
“What is the effect of arguing with reality? How does it feel?” The Work explores
the cause and effect of attaching to painful thoughts, and in that investigation we
find our freedom. To simply say that we shouldn’t argue with reality just adds
another story, another philosophy or religion. It hasn’t ever worked.
Q Loving what is sounds like never wanting anything. Isn’t it more interesting to want
things?
A My experience is that I do want something all the time: what I want is what is.
It’s not only interesting, it’s ecstatic! When I want what I have, thought and
action aren’t separate; they move as one, without conflict. If you find anything
lacking, ever, write down your thoughts and inquire. I find that life never falls
short and doesn’t require a future. Everything I need is always supplied, and I
don’t have to do anything for it. There is nothing more exciting than loving what
is.
Q What if I don’t have a problem with people? Can I write about things, like my body?
A Yes. Do The Work on any subject that is stressful. As you become familiar with
the four questions and turnaround, you may choose subjects such as the body,
disease, career, or even God. Then experiment with using the term “my
thinking” in place of the subject when you do the turnarounds.
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Example: “My body should be strong, flexible, and healthy” becomes “My
thinking should be strong, flexible, and healthy.”
Isn’t that what you really want—a balanced, healthy mind? Has a sick body
ever been a problem, or is it your thinking about the body that causes the
problem? Investigate. Let your doctor take care of your body as you take care of
your thinking. I have a friend who can’t move his body, and he loves his life,
because he loves what he thinks. Freedom doesn’t require a healthy body. Free
your mind.
Q How can I learn to forgive someone who hurt me very badly?
A Judge your enemy, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around. See for
yourself that forgiveness means discovering that what you thought happened
didn’t. Until you can see that there’s nothing to forgive, you haven’t really
forgiven. We’re all innocent; we hurt others because we believe our
unquestioned thoughts. No one would ever harm another human being unless
they were confused. So whenever you suffer: identify the thoughts you’re
thinking, write them down, question them, and allow the answers from within to
set you free. Be a child. Start from the mind that knows nothing. Take your
ignorance all the way to freedom.
Q Is inquiry a process of thinking? If not, what is it?
A Inquiry appears to be a process of thinking, but actually it’s a way to undo
thinking. Thoughts lose their power over us when we realize that they simply
appear in the mind. They’re not personal. Through The Work, instead of
escaping or suppressing our thoughts, we learn to meet them with unconditional
love and understanding.
“Katie-isms”
When you argue with reality, you lose—but only 100% of the time.
Personalities don’t love—they want something.
If I had a prayer, it would be this: “God spare me from the desire for love,
approval, or appreciation. Amen.”
Don’t pretend yourself beyond your own evolution.
An unquestioned mind is the only suffering.
You either believe what you think or you question it. There’s no other choice.
No one can hurt me—that’s my job.
The worst thing that has ever happened is an unquestioned thought.
Sanity doesn’t suffer, ever.
If I think you’re my problem, I’m insane.
I don’t let go of my concepts—I question them. Then they let go of me.
You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate
reason to suffer.
Reality is always kinder than the story we are believing about it.
I’m very clear that the whole world loves me. I just don’t expect them to realize it
yet.
There are no physical problems—only mental ones.
Reality is God, because it rules.
When I am perfectly clear, what is is what I want.
Arguing with reality is like trying to teach a cat to bark—hopeless.
How do I know that I don’t need what I want? I don’t have it.
Forgiveness is realizing that what you thought happened didn’t.
Everything happens for me, not to me.
Gratitude is what we are without a story.
The School for The Work
The School for The Work is the ultimate inner adventure. Unlike every other
school on earth, this one isn’t for learning—it’s for unlearning. You’ll spend nine
days losing the fear-based stories you’ve innocently clung to all your life. The
curriculum at the School is a living, evolving process, changing with the needs of
the participants and on the basis of past students’ experiences. Each exercise is
led directly by Katie and is tailored to meet the needs of the participants
attending—no two Schools are the same. And after nine days with Katie, you
won’t be either. “Once the four questions are alive inside you,” Katie says, “your
mind becomes clear, and therefore the world you project becomes clear. This is
more radical than anyone can possibly imagine.”
The No-Body Intensive
The No-Body Intensive, a five-day guided exploration of your belief system,
lovingly explores and questions the main aspects of identity. It brings to
awareness everything identity is made of. It looks at how we create an identity,
what it feels like to carry it, and how we can un-create it. Every step is a joyful
lightening of being as your true nature appears.
Weekend Workshops
Weekend workshops are an opportunity to experience the power of the School in
a two- or three-day program. Katie leads participants through some of her most
powerful exercises, designed to mirror the transformation she went through after
awakening to reality. By working on issues such as gender, body image,
addiction, money, and relationships, you’ll discover deeper levels of freedom.
The workshops have been called “amazing,” “revelatory,” and “the most
powerful weekend of my life.”
The Store for The Work
A popular and enjoyable way to deepen one’s understanding of The Work is to
listen to Katie as she facilitates others. Her fluidity, her balance of firmness and
compassion, and her trademark sense of humor all make for great entertainment
and powerful realizations. The Store for The Work offers audios and videos of
Katie expertly facilitating audience members on topics such as sex, money,
parents, relationships, work, and much more.
The Work on the Internet
Katie and The Work are always accessible at thework.com. When you visit the
website, you’ll be able to do any of the following: read detailed instructions
about The Work; watch video clips of Katie facilitating people on a wide variety
of issues; view Katie’s calendar of events; register for an upcoming nine-day
School for The Work, a five-day No-Body Intensive, a weekend program, or
Turnaround House; find out how to call the free Do The Work Helpline; learn
about the Institute for The Work and its Certified Facilitators; download JudgeYour-Neighbor Worksheets; listen to archived radio and television interviews;
download apps for your iPhone, iPad, or Android; subscribe to the free
newsletter; or shop in the online store. We also invite you to Katie’s Twitter and
Facebook pages, with periodic live streaming video.
For School Graduates: The Institute for The Work
After attending the School for The Work, you are invited to
join the more than one thousand facilitators enrolled in the
Institute for The Work of Byron Katie. The Institute offers the
only official Certification Program for The Work, and it also gives School
graduates a way of staying immersed in The Work. Whether you choose to enroll
in the Certification Program or not, you'll have access to The Work Community
Forums, teleconferences with Byron Katie, and a way to do The Work on a
regular basis in our Round-Robin Immersion. For more information, visit
instituteforthework.com.
Turnaround House for The Work
Turnaround House is the twenty-eight-day residential
program that confronts the ultimate addiction, the only
addiction: the mind’s addiction to the unquestioned thoughts
that cause all the suffering and internal violence in the world. It is focused on
The Work of Byron Katie, which millions of people—addicts, veterans, prisoners,
students, homemakers, executives, politicians, mental health professionals,
people from all walks of life—have used to overcome deep-seated self-defeating
confusion, depression, addiction, and unwanted behaviors. Turnaround House is
the only program approved by Byron Katie to use The Work for addiction and
emotional rehabilitation. In an eco-friendly, supportive, and safe place, Byron
Katie and her staff guide you through a program that is specifically designed to
radically turn your life around.
The Four Questions
Here are the four questions again. Some people print them from a free template
available at thework.com, or they buy The Work App to keep sanity close at
hand.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Is it true? (Yes or no. If “no,” move to question 3.)
Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
Turn the statement around. Then find at least three specific, genuine examples of
how each turnaround is as true as or truer than the original statement.
Contributions to The Work Foundation are gratefully accepted. Through your
gifts, others will have the opportunity to learn this transformational practice. You
can make a contribution by mail to The Work Foundation, P.O. Box 20310, Santa
Barbara, CA 93120; on our website, thework.com; or by calling Byron Katie
International at 800.98.KATIE.
*****
“Byron Katie’s Work is a great blessing for
our planet.
The Work acts like a razor-sharp sword that cuts through illusion and enables
you to know for yourself the timeless essence of your being.”
—Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now
P.O. Box 1206, Ojai, CA 93024, USA
This booklet includes some excerpts from Loving What Is, which is available
wherever books are sold, and through thework.com.
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© 2012 Byron Katie International, Inc. All rights reserved. www.thework.com Rev. 28 Apr 2012
